Q: I think my father/mother/spouse/relative, may have some hearing loss, but they refuse to get it tested, and I’m tired of bugging them to do something about it. Any suggestions?
A: This is an age old problem, one of those problems that we deal with on a daily basis. It’s hard to come to terms with losing one’s hearing, and there are several reasons, many of which I have outlined in previous articles. The most common is the belief that the problem is not that of the sufferer, but rather those who surround that person.
We have all had this happen, and most of us recently. Your other half comes into the room and says “Have you heard anything I’ve said? I have been calling you and calling you, but you’re ignoring me, have you gotten your hearing checked?”
Most commonly there are two problems; the first is that storming in on someone gets them on the defensive, which is a bad place to be when it comes to getting them in to be helped. It’s a little more work, but patience is the key. Approach them with the understanding that they probably don’t realize that there is a problem. In cases of presbycutic loss, (loss due to the effects of gathering birthdays), it has taken anywhere from 20 to 40 years for this to take place. Such a gradual process is easier for others to notice than it is for the person with the loss. It’s a little like my hair – 20 years ago it was brown with a hint of gray, long, (yes, I went through a long hair stage, more than one in fact), but five years ago I went to Phoenix for holiday and ended up with a serious sunburn on the top of my head. That has never happened before, and it was then that I took a mirror and realized that there is more skin showing than I ever remembered. There is still some hair, but not nearly as much as there used to be. It was then that I learned that for the rest of my life I will have to cover my head when I’m outside on a sunny day. So it took a slightly traumatic event to show me that I am like 75% of men, (or so I’ve read), who have “male pattern baldness” and I had better get used to it.
And I have to get used to that. I went through denial, I went through the rigor of trying medication, (it didn’t work for me), and I even tried to grow it and cover up the bare patch, (the second of my “long hair” stints). Eventually I just realized that it was the hand life dealt me, and so will the person you are dealing with. Taking a calm approach, is always best, talk about it when you can both have a clear quiet conversation, preferably alone, because it shouldn’t be made public.
Also important is not to be an enabler; an enabler goes out of their way to compensate for the person’s hearing loss. They let the person get away with their denial because it’s the easy way to deal with it. Rather than risk starting an argument, or dealing with it head on, they simply talk louder, repeat things over and over and simply do whatever it takes to keep the hearing loss from coming to the forefront. It’s tiring – believe me, you can exhaust yourself to the point of resentment and there is no reason for it. Eventually you will snap and it could damage your relationship with this person. Where possible have their family physician recommend getting a hearing test, preferably as a matter of routine. The hearing professionals have, for years now, been educating primary care givers on when hearing assessments are appropriate and how to do basic screenings in their offices. Of course, I can’t speak to every one of them, but there are enough of us doing this that most of them should have the information and know how to take the next step.
If you need information, by all means contact our offices, we have some amazing people who can answer any question you may have. Check out the Better Hearing Institute web site, www.betterhearing.org, which has tremendous amounts of resources. But whatever you do, avoid being an enabler, it will drive both of you crazy in the long run.